I wish I could write a response to this question in the subject line from past experience alone. Don’t we all? Though I've lived some years in this topic, apparently I need a frequent, fresh coat of paint.
Eleven years ago, becoming a family to children with hard histories introduced a reality we didn't expect: the unpredictability of everyday life. Grief is not a gentleman; it doesn't choose its entry with discretion and poise. Heart-pain surfaces minutes before scheduled family photographs or just as we pull into the driveway for a friend's fall party. Grandparents come into town for a short visit and, seemingly out of the blue, one of ours would uncoil for days — lost in grief and hurt. Plans to go to the zoo: canceled. Every "yes" to an invite over to a friend's houses or events also includes the caveat "but we might be a 'no.'"
During some months, I would feel my way through the dark cave that was the erratic nature of our lives, towards Him … and I found light. Perspective. I didn't entirely fold under the ache of my children's stories and the muddy footpath towards healing. I could cry under my sunglasses at the grocery store and experience the ministry that only God can bring to my uncertainty.
During more difficult months … I floundered. It looked like: locking into that white-knuckle prayer "heal them quickly, Lord" in-between furiously securing details in my life that I could force into predictability. I held my breath when our kids' hearts seemed settled and bit my nails anxiously awaiting reprieve when they weren't. During those months, I lived for a reprieve.
Over time, I found myself more ready to cry under my sunglasses and talk to God than offer white-knuckle "save me, now, God!" prayers. My body and heart leaned toward the vulnerable connect over haphazard survival tactics.
But this is me. How about you?
Most of life is hard. (Circumstantially.)
When we live for the un-hard — when we dream about it, plan for it, make near-unconscious agreements in our mind that our soul won't settle until we have it — we miss something God gives in the hard:
Perspective.
Light against a dark backdrop looks piercing, brilliant, contrarian.
Jesus in your dark days is warm and near, strong like you've never experienced Him, securing.
Jesus in your dark days, is better than a secure world, secure schedule, secure plans, and set circumstances. (Perhaps one of the ways God is working in our nation right now is foisting every one of us believers on the path to discovering this.)
Friends, living in suspension — in tension: There may be things He wants to give you that can only be received when the rest of your world feels dark.
Light instantly alters the night’s pitch.
As I look to the days ahead, both personally and in our nation, I keep circling Paul's words:
"Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. I can do all things through him who strengthens me." Philippians 4:11-13
There's a secret available to believers. Yes, on November 4th, 5th, and 6th, and 21st, regardless of the outcome of this election and what you had hoped that it would be.
The vulnerable, desperate, I’m-finally-becoming-convinced-that-He’s-the-best-thing-I-have-in-life reach for God that comes from the darkest, hardest places is the one that shapes a soul.
People from all sides are stymied by fear as we all wonder if the days ahead may be our nation's worst. And to that, I say:
Treasures come in the darkness. (Isaiah 45:3)
Perspective shines bright as day against night. (He shines bright as day against the night.)
Friends, we can be ok when the world is not.
And ok may not be the happy, easy ”I'm fine” you once lived when life felt smooth. It could be vulnerable, crying underneath our sunglasses .. but praying a new prayer — or an old prayer with fresh desire:
God, let me come to know You in the days ahead as I've never known You before.
Consider pausing, writing down this prayer, or saying it under your breath. Take it with you to the polls, say it to Him as you watch the election unfold. Tape it to the lamp on your bedside table, so as to wake up into that vulnerable-reach on Wednesday morning.
Reaching for His light,
Sara
PS. You may have noticed we have a new interface for this monthly note. If you poke around here, you will find that I'm writing a bit more intentionally for a self-selected crew of readers. To keep receiving this (free) monthly note, you need not do a thing. However, if you'd like a deeper dive, that's available for those who are a part of SOAR.
It’s been odd for me to realize that while I trust him with the big things like the election, the places I hold deep anxiety and chaos is the “little” things like helping four children through their distance learning weeks, or trying to train children to pick up after themselves, or that to-do list that never seems to even shorten a bit. I think it’s because I grew up with a very impersonal God. I was subtly taught he cared about the big things, but was unapproachable in the little. (I mean, just the fact that we had to dress up and sit properly in church made him feel far from my rag clothed, muddy faced girl.) Jesus cares about my meal planning? God wants to be involved and close as I do the laundry? I want that. I NEED that.
Thank you for this, Sara. So beautiful and timely as always. I know this knowledge was hard won. Thank you for sharing it with us.
Seems that many of us are experiencing the same thing today, and for the past several days and thankfully the message coming through is that no matter the outcome of tomorrow's election Jesus Christ will still be King of kings and Lord of lords and in that we can trust. How we respond on Wednesday morning will either reflect His love and compassion or reflect what is truly within each one of us. I pray we will reflect His love, as that is the only Winner. Love does not boast and love does not throw a temper tantrum. It's a great question "can I be ok when the world isn't ok?" ( I know you said 'we' but each one of us must ask ourself that question) <3