I joined today after reading this post. I need the message desperately these days - my life as I knew it shattered unexpectedly three weeks ago today, and so few people in my life know the details. Even fewer seem to understand me in the midst of it. It’s painful and lonely. I’m thankful to be here, and to have read these words today.
it's notable to me how so many people right now feel alone in their pain ... it seems so pervasive, how unique each person's struggles are and feel. (glad to have you here!)
I think we feel alone in our pain, in part because there is (false) shame - I mean, with Ukraine for instance, just one example of suffering so horrific there are no words, my pain (and perhaps others who feel alone) seems so much less in comparison, its like I shouldn't "complain" or even _feel_ my smaller pain when others are suffering so much more. I don't know if this is making sense, but comparison is a pitfall in so many ways, grief being just another of them.
This is so well expressed and i need to sit with this in the places I try to push myself to arrive at “okay” or acceptance: infertility, miscarriage, international move/loss of community, (hopefully) small back injury, child’s hearing loss… I took a class in college called Pain, Suffering, & Death and we talked often about this very thing- that we are not good at handling others’ grief, especially its nonlinear nature, and how we sprint from it ourselves. But oh how I don’t want to live like the world here. I want what you just reminded us - that there is blessing for those who mourn…I want to feel His heartbeat while I weep on his chest, His tears dappling my hair 💙
Thank you Sara- your words express the deep reality of grief that I am walking through. I've been frustrated with myself as I can't understand why I am crying now when " I should be so much more this/ that by this time". I feel the Father's gentle leading to embrace this season of tears- thank you.
Your words here express so much of what I, too have experienced over the last few years... grief upon grief in one form or another. Although at times I feel as though I've "dealt" with it (not necessarily moving past it), it will come again in waves and I realize it truly is the never ending story. To sit with it and to sit with Him is something to be cherished as it shapes me for (hopefully) His glory. Still painful, but bearable.. and there is beauty to be found there.
I can really relate to the waves of grief ... it's easier for me to see more clearly in my children (the ones we adopted): they enter deep periods of grief and then receive a measure of His healing ... and then, for one reason or another, an incident incites more grief ... you'd think it's maddening, except it's as if He keeps coming closer, nearer each time
"and then they truly heal because they experienced God holding their hearts through their grief."
When I read this, a few words jump out. Truly, experienced, holding & through. How loving and compassionate is He while giving us His nearness & time to let our tears fall (cuz grief a process)?
I can't stop wondering why I run from this every single time.. is it the lack of emotional safety that I have with my parental figures? The absence of having a healthy exemplification of a grieving process? Is this way of unhealthy coping therefore just wired in my being? Or is it something deeper that has more to do with trust. With me, being afraid to collapse in His arms and thus not trusting HIM fully with everything that I am and have experienced in life?
Doing mental gymnastics to dodge grief is one thing, but dodging His nearness comes along with that. It's a package deal I realise now, ready to be opened despite the trembling of hands and the aching heart.
This hit it head on! The Lord has been pushing me to the sermon on the mount to see how I won’t allow/acknowledge any of those negative situations in my life (mental gymnastics!) and thereby I block out all the positive blessings the Lord gives in that list.
You have explained it so clearly! Thank you. It really does comfort my heart to know another human really really gets it. My heart and mind have been swirling lately...again...with how I can be feeling fresh, deep grief from circumstances that have been mine for years, but it feels like I had to walk through all the stages of grief for YEARS before I could get to the bottom of it, which I find to be the real stuff...true grief. I was in denial for a while, bargaining, anger the last handful of years...and now here I am, feeling all the raw grief. It feels weird when I look at people around me, but I know deep down that this is what I needed to get to in order to heal. I just didn't know it for so long. I remember telling my therapist so many times in the past 2 years, I just can't seem to cry when it feels like I should or I need to...I just couldn't, even when I was alone, it wouldn't come. But just now over the past few weeks, something deep shifted and I feel it so authentically...the deep grief and sadness. This was what my heart has waited for! This grief for me feels like a relief. So needed and yet still so awkward because it does seem to go against even our Christian culture. We just don't get it. But I'm determined not to stop this flow! I want to feel so I can heal! God is absolutely the One who has brought me all this way for all these years to this, to truly comfort and heal me! I will stay in it for as long as I need to, even if others (myself included some days) don't understand why I'm here (still!?) or wonder if I've lost my trust or fatih in Him because I'm grieving...again!? I'm thoughtfully and cautiously leaning into it and giving Jesus permission to do whatever is best for me. He knows what my heart needs to get full healing in Him...I trust Him, really and truly.
Thank you Sara - you hit the nail on the head once again! I cried Mother’s Day wkd for unfulfilled desires along w/ physical pain that won’t leave me in one form or another. Just as one issue clears another seems to develop 😘. I’m learning afresh it’s ok to not be ok!
Thank you for this. I am in what feels like another season of grief. I have lost so much already it feels like too much backlogged grief to feel for one person in a lifetime already yet here there is more. I've lost my mum, my husband has ad an accident and I am very sick - not to mention all the grief that has been caused by our government in my country to so many. It seems relentless but i tell myself God's love is more relentless. I don't feel i 'should' be grieving these things or the things of the past still unhealed, others seem to move on so swiftly with little consequence. Mine accumulates and overwhelms me. I tentatively stand at the edge, dipping in a toe, finding people who will honour and acknowledge it with me - not easy these days! Thank you for the encouragement and permission to feel. Maybe I am not alone after all.
Thank you for speaking the truth with clarity about loss, grieving and time. It's a process. As I've grown in him, I see God engaged with us in a continuing daily walk in process - like a Potter, or parent, disciples, and others... taken a beautiful Vista of stars, or a natural wonder is not a "done it" ✅ check that off experience- the layers and depths of knowing grow. A marriage well done needs time to see, observe, listen, grow to know the "signs" that point to what's needed next. Knowing ourselves - also a process... to be able to articulate what we are experiencing can take time.
Children can't fully express nor have they much to compare today's experience or heartache clearly.
Thank you. One day at a time ... I really appreciate you!
Oh my, Sara ... I'm lost for words. My dear mum passed way this week - a little quicker than we all anticipated. Mum was 88 and very frail having a chronic physical ailment that was very disabling for her as she aged.
"In our grief, we get the arms of God" - I've experienced this this week. As Mum did. She slipped away quietly in her 'no fuss/not wanting to burden anyone' way into the arms of God. For which I am delighted and so joyful. But I'm sad because I don't get to speak with her everyday which had become our habit these past years. But God's caresses have allowed me to cry while I reflect on the beautiful woman mum is and how blessed I am to have been able to call her Mum.
Hugs to you & Nate ... to your kiddies. The Lord is fashioning such precious jewels out of the lingering pain and grief of their pasts while wrapped in His arms.
I joined today after reading this post. I need the message desperately these days - my life as I knew it shattered unexpectedly three weeks ago today, and so few people in my life know the details. Even fewer seem to understand me in the midst of it. It’s painful and lonely. I’m thankful to be here, and to have read these words today.
it's notable to me how so many people right now feel alone in their pain ... it seems so pervasive, how unique each person's struggles are and feel. (glad to have you here!)
I think we feel alone in our pain, in part because there is (false) shame - I mean, with Ukraine for instance, just one example of suffering so horrific there are no words, my pain (and perhaps others who feel alone) seems so much less in comparison, its like I shouldn't "complain" or even _feel_ my smaller pain when others are suffering so much more. I don't know if this is making sense, but comparison is a pitfall in so many ways, grief being just another of them.
Yes, agreed
I am sorry for your pain, Anna, whatever the cause. Blessings to you. Sending a hug for your heart.
Praying for you right now, Anna. Glad you’re here 💙
This is so well expressed and i need to sit with this in the places I try to push myself to arrive at “okay” or acceptance: infertility, miscarriage, international move/loss of community, (hopefully) small back injury, child’s hearing loss… I took a class in college called Pain, Suffering, & Death and we talked often about this very thing- that we are not good at handling others’ grief, especially its nonlinear nature, and how we sprint from it ourselves. But oh how I don’t want to live like the world here. I want what you just reminded us - that there is blessing for those who mourn…I want to feel His heartbeat while I weep on his chest, His tears dappling my hair 💙
Thank youSara. Once again you give words to my heart I didn’t know how to express .
How tender our Father wants to be if I will but let him. I want to short circuit his ways. He wants beauty and healing birthed in pain and suffering
"if I will but let him" .... this is me, also, Alison
Thank you Sara- your words express the deep reality of grief that I am walking through. I've been frustrated with myself as I can't understand why I am crying now when " I should be so much more this/ that by this time". I feel the Father's gentle leading to embrace this season of tears- thank you.
Your words here express so much of what I, too have experienced over the last few years... grief upon grief in one form or another. Although at times I feel as though I've "dealt" with it (not necessarily moving past it), it will come again in waves and I realize it truly is the never ending story. To sit with it and to sit with Him is something to be cherished as it shapes me for (hopefully) His glory. Still painful, but bearable.. and there is beauty to be found there.
I can really relate to the waves of grief ... it's easier for me to see more clearly in my children (the ones we adopted): they enter deep periods of grief and then receive a measure of His healing ... and then, for one reason or another, an incident incites more grief ... you'd think it's maddening, except it's as if He keeps coming closer, nearer each time
"and then they truly heal because they experienced God holding their hearts through their grief."
When I read this, a few words jump out. Truly, experienced, holding & through. How loving and compassionate is He while giving us His nearness & time to let our tears fall (cuz grief a process)?
I can't stop wondering why I run from this every single time.. is it the lack of emotional safety that I have with my parental figures? The absence of having a healthy exemplification of a grieving process? Is this way of unhealthy coping therefore just wired in my being? Or is it something deeper that has more to do with trust. With me, being afraid to collapse in His arms and thus not trusting HIM fully with everything that I am and have experienced in life?
Doing mental gymnastics to dodge grief is one thing, but dodging His nearness comes along with that. It's a package deal I realise now, ready to be opened despite the trembling of hands and the aching heart.
Lots of observations to be made here. Thank you!
This hit it head on! The Lord has been pushing me to the sermon on the mount to see how I won’t allow/acknowledge any of those negative situations in my life (mental gymnastics!) and thereby I block out all the positive blessings the Lord gives in that list.
I've not looked at the sermon on the mount through that lens ...
interesting!!
You have explained it so clearly! Thank you. It really does comfort my heart to know another human really really gets it. My heart and mind have been swirling lately...again...with how I can be feeling fresh, deep grief from circumstances that have been mine for years, but it feels like I had to walk through all the stages of grief for YEARS before I could get to the bottom of it, which I find to be the real stuff...true grief. I was in denial for a while, bargaining, anger the last handful of years...and now here I am, feeling all the raw grief. It feels weird when I look at people around me, but I know deep down that this is what I needed to get to in order to heal. I just didn't know it for so long. I remember telling my therapist so many times in the past 2 years, I just can't seem to cry when it feels like I should or I need to...I just couldn't, even when I was alone, it wouldn't come. But just now over the past few weeks, something deep shifted and I feel it so authentically...the deep grief and sadness. This was what my heart has waited for! This grief for me feels like a relief. So needed and yet still so awkward because it does seem to go against even our Christian culture. We just don't get it. But I'm determined not to stop this flow! I want to feel so I can heal! God is absolutely the One who has brought me all this way for all these years to this, to truly comfort and heal me! I will stay in it for as long as I need to, even if others (myself included some days) don't understand why I'm here (still!?) or wonder if I've lost my trust or fatih in Him because I'm grieving...again!? I'm thoughtfully and cautiously leaning into it and giving Jesus permission to do whatever is best for me. He knows what my heart needs to get full healing in Him...I trust Him, really and truly.
Thank you Sara - you hit the nail on the head once again! I cried Mother’s Day wkd for unfulfilled desires along w/ physical pain that won’t leave me in one form or another. Just as one issue clears another seems to develop 😘. I’m learning afresh it’s ok to not be ok!
💗
Love this Sarah/ esp phrase: we are afraid of pain! So true. Hugs to you and Nate.
Love you, friend!
Thank you for this. I am in what feels like another season of grief. I have lost so much already it feels like too much backlogged grief to feel for one person in a lifetime already yet here there is more. I've lost my mum, my husband has ad an accident and I am very sick - not to mention all the grief that has been caused by our government in my country to so many. It seems relentless but i tell myself God's love is more relentless. I don't feel i 'should' be grieving these things or the things of the past still unhealed, others seem to move on so swiftly with little consequence. Mine accumulates and overwhelms me. I tentatively stand at the edge, dipping in a toe, finding people who will honour and acknowledge it with me - not easy these days! Thank you for the encouragement and permission to feel. Maybe I am not alone after all.
Kate, I’m so sorry for all this loss … so much loss. Stopping to pray for God to come to you tenderly in your grief.
Thank you for speaking the truth with clarity about loss, grieving and time. It's a process. As I've grown in him, I see God engaged with us in a continuing daily walk in process - like a Potter, or parent, disciples, and others... taken a beautiful Vista of stars, or a natural wonder is not a "done it" ✅ check that off experience- the layers and depths of knowing grow. A marriage well done needs time to see, observe, listen, grow to know the "signs" that point to what's needed next. Knowing ourselves - also a process... to be able to articulate what we are experiencing can take time.
Children can't fully express nor have they much to compare today's experience or heartache clearly.
Thank you. One day at a time ... I really appreciate you!
Thank you for saying what so many of us need to hear on repeat. ❤️
Oh my, Sara ... I'm lost for words. My dear mum passed way this week - a little quicker than we all anticipated. Mum was 88 and very frail having a chronic physical ailment that was very disabling for her as she aged.
"In our grief, we get the arms of God" - I've experienced this this week. As Mum did. She slipped away quietly in her 'no fuss/not wanting to burden anyone' way into the arms of God. For which I am delighted and so joyful. But I'm sad because I don't get to speak with her everyday which had become our habit these past years. But God's caresses have allowed me to cry while I reflect on the beautiful woman mum is and how blessed I am to have been able to call her Mum.
Hugs to you & Nate ... to your kiddies. The Lord is fashioning such precious jewels out of the lingering pain and grief of their pasts while wrapped in His arms.
Oh ian … what a loss. Praying for you as you grieve this morning.
Bless, Sara. Cherish your prayers. xx
Ian, praying for you in your loss . . . So grateful for your ability to weep.
Bless you, Sallie. Treasure those prayers of yours. xx