I have been deep in the bowels of navigating painful past trauma this year. It has felt like I’m living past, present, and future all in one moment in seems. This sense of dread has dominated that future feeling. The wondering what the fruit of this season will be that my children have a mother wading through such soul pain…while navigating homeschool, neuro diversity, and just regular life. I find myself deep in the exact dread you described in so many moments with my children. I read this post with tears on my face just so seen by the Father that someone else could put words to so much of my current experience that feels so hidden. Thank you for this sweet invitation of bringing that dread to the feet of the Father. I’m praying now that He would light my imagination aflame ✨🙌🏼💕
I have wrestled with dread & fear for years. Always looking near & far ahead to see how the future will be affected. Always weighing the probabilities…. another thing I wrestle with is trust versus surveillance…
I’m a worst case scenario over thinker. I am learning it has strengths and God gave me those gifts BUT that there’s a time to use and a time to lay down. This speaks deeply.
I appreciate your words so much, Sara. Thank you for sharing your heart. They all get me, but this one is particularly potent. I wouldn't say that I worry and then have dread. It's more of the "being vigilant to try to avoid hurt" variety. I want to assume I'll be disappointed, hurt, prayers (seemingly) unanswered, left out. That way when it happens I'll be more "prepared" (although it never really works, does it?). For me it feels like a huge level of trust in God's goodness to not see the potential hurt but to image the possibilities. And let him heal the hurt when it does come. Oh for the grace to trust him more!! I love the idea of imagining the possibilities.
I tend towards worry too much, but have never thought about it as "dread" - which feels like such a heavy, untrusting of the Lord word...but it's so accurate! This post and reading this comment thread reminded me of last fall when I was in counseling to battle depression/anxiety in preparation for an international move (on top of other things), and my therapist gave me this verse in our first session:
"Now therefore stand still and see this great thing that the LORD will do before your eyes." 1 Samuel 12:16
Just as you say, Sara, my response to dread causes me to miss the present as my vision clouds with Satan's lies for the future (or that the future will never come, that it will always be this way) and/or as I exist in a flurry of effort to make things different. But standing still - in body, in mind, in heart - that counterintuitive choice to *not* rush...panic...force a change...allows the Spirit to blow through the clouds, to dissipate the noise of the God-is-not-present-in-this-now-or-in-the-future lies. Being still and knowing who God is is not just a lovely verse but a life-changing Truth. Hallelujah, what a Savior; what a close and intimate and tender God!
Love this, Sara. Thank you for sharing your gift and allowing God to speak through you to us. Every time I read one of your letters it goes to my heart and gives me a new perspective I needed. I'm going to be repeating "watchful, not vigilant" regularly and I really appreciate your ending question. Thank you!
This! There is such comfort knowing others do this same thing! Just yesterday I was battling with a bout of overthinking and working my nerves into a frenzied state. And then God sent me a rainbow (He seems to do that when I’m dealing with the unsettling things in life, which I recently wrote about in a post called Whispers to the Willing). That arc of color against a stormy sky reminded me to chill. He’s got this. Watchful, not vigilant. Putting this on repeat!
Wow, just wow!!! I'm sure I am way too vigilant over many areas of my life. Imagine the possibilities if we all could grab hold of this "rhema" word and start being watchful- this perspective has the potential to make such big changes in my heart. Jesus, plant that seed in all of us today.
Sara, Sara, you are always catching these deep moments and simplifying them on paper. So true, we are more vigilant than we need to be, well I am , than I need to be. In this new season of grandparenting , as a Spiritual mother and Mother in Zion, I am learning to be much more relaxed as I imagine things with Daddy. Thank you my precious Sister.
Today Sara I needed your message on vigilance and watchfulness. To give me hope. A dream. Trust again in the beautiful dreams God speak over us. And not be caught up in sorrow and dread and worry.
I get caught up in worry and I should trust God with my present and my future. And trust that He take care of my loved ones.
Sara, when I glanced at your email this morning, I knew I would want to savor it, so I "Flagged" it and came back to it when I had that chance. To say this arrived in my "inbox" right on (God's) time," is an understatement. Thank you!!
Oh Sara I can’t tell how this speaks to my heart. In my younger years I was caught up in the imagination of grand and glorious things ( not necessarily spiritual). 😊
But life…..and now the loved one late in arriving sends me spiraling into the very worst of possibilities. A difficult diagnosis brings mental images of all that could go wrong and, incredibly, even planning the funeral. It all sounds so morbid.
I’m in. I do want to cultivate watchfulness and my long dormant imagination.
Thank you for so vulnerably sharing your heart. Inevitably you touch a place in my heart that is so in need of healing. ❤️
Oh Sara. You go right to the soul of things. I’m more vigilant than I care to admit, but long to replace it with watchful imagination🤲🤲🤲
Thank you for helping put words to my hearts cry
Alison Ross❤️
❤️
I have been deep in the bowels of navigating painful past trauma this year. It has felt like I’m living past, present, and future all in one moment in seems. This sense of dread has dominated that future feeling. The wondering what the fruit of this season will be that my children have a mother wading through such soul pain…while navigating homeschool, neuro diversity, and just regular life. I find myself deep in the exact dread you described in so many moments with my children. I read this post with tears on my face just so seen by the Father that someone else could put words to so much of my current experience that feels so hidden. Thank you for this sweet invitation of bringing that dread to the feet of the Father. I’m praying now that He would light my imagination aflame ✨🙌🏼💕
I have wrestled with dread & fear for years. Always looking near & far ahead to see how the future will be affected. Always weighing the probabilities…. another thing I wrestle with is trust versus surveillance…
I like that phraseology: trust versus surveillance 💕
Oh, that’s good, Rae-Ann: “trust vs. surveillance.” That’s a big one for me, too, but I’ve gotten better.
I’m a worst case scenario over thinker. I am learning it has strengths and God gave me those gifts BUT that there’s a time to use and a time to lay down. This speaks deeply.
Watch not worry.
I appreciate your words so much, Sara. Thank you for sharing your heart. They all get me, but this one is particularly potent. I wouldn't say that I worry and then have dread. It's more of the "being vigilant to try to avoid hurt" variety. I want to assume I'll be disappointed, hurt, prayers (seemingly) unanswered, left out. That way when it happens I'll be more "prepared" (although it never really works, does it?). For me it feels like a huge level of trust in God's goodness to not see the potential hurt but to image the possibilities. And let him heal the hurt when it does come. Oh for the grace to trust him more!! I love the idea of imagining the possibilities.
I tend towards worry too much, but have never thought about it as "dread" - which feels like such a heavy, untrusting of the Lord word...but it's so accurate! This post and reading this comment thread reminded me of last fall when I was in counseling to battle depression/anxiety in preparation for an international move (on top of other things), and my therapist gave me this verse in our first session:
"Now therefore stand still and see this great thing that the LORD will do before your eyes." 1 Samuel 12:16
Just as you say, Sara, my response to dread causes me to miss the present as my vision clouds with Satan's lies for the future (or that the future will never come, that it will always be this way) and/or as I exist in a flurry of effort to make things different. But standing still - in body, in mind, in heart - that counterintuitive choice to *not* rush...panic...force a change...allows the Spirit to blow through the clouds, to dissipate the noise of the God-is-not-present-in-this-now-or-in-the-future lies. Being still and knowing who God is is not just a lovely verse but a life-changing Truth. Hallelujah, what a Savior; what a close and intimate and tender God!
Oh this verse!
Love this, Sara. Thank you for sharing your gift and allowing God to speak through you to us. Every time I read one of your letters it goes to my heart and gives me a new perspective I needed. I'm going to be repeating "watchful, not vigilant" regularly and I really appreciate your ending question. Thank you!
Ohhh … thank you Teri
This! There is such comfort knowing others do this same thing! Just yesterday I was battling with a bout of overthinking and working my nerves into a frenzied state. And then God sent me a rainbow (He seems to do that when I’m dealing with the unsettling things in life, which I recently wrote about in a post called Whispers to the Willing). That arc of color against a stormy sky reminded me to chill. He’s got this. Watchful, not vigilant. Putting this on repeat!
Wow, just wow!!! I'm sure I am way too vigilant over many areas of my life. Imagine the possibilities if we all could grab hold of this "rhema" word and start being watchful- this perspective has the potential to make such big changes in my heart. Jesus, plant that seed in all of us today.
Yes ❤️
Wow this is just what my heart needed to hear today! Totally sent by the Lord. Thanks for posting
I’m so glad!!
Love this so much, Sara!❤️
Thank you friend 💕
Oh Sara. This. “Watchful not vigilant”--you just gave me language for this in my own life. Carrying this with me. Thank you!
❤️
Sara, Sara, you are always catching these deep moments and simplifying them on paper. So true, we are more vigilant than we need to be, well I am , than I need to be. In this new season of grandparenting , as a Spiritual mother and Mother in Zion, I am learning to be much more relaxed as I imagine things with Daddy. Thank you my precious Sister.
Today Sara I needed your message on vigilance and watchfulness. To give me hope. A dream. Trust again in the beautiful dreams God speak over us. And not be caught up in sorrow and dread and worry.
I get caught up in worry and I should trust God with my present and my future. And trust that He take care of my loved ones.
Sara, when I glanced at your email this morning, I knew I would want to savor it, so I "Flagged" it and came back to it when I had that chance. To say this arrived in my "inbox" right on (God's) time," is an understatement. Thank you!!
Oh I’m so glad!
Oh Sara I can’t tell how this speaks to my heart. In my younger years I was caught up in the imagination of grand and glorious things ( not necessarily spiritual). 😊
But life…..and now the loved one late in arriving sends me spiraling into the very worst of possibilities. A difficult diagnosis brings mental images of all that could go wrong and, incredibly, even planning the funeral. It all sounds so morbid.
I’m in. I do want to cultivate watchfulness and my long dormant imagination.
Thank you for so vulnerably sharing your heart. Inevitably you touch a place in my heart that is so in need of healing. ❤️